No one has ever described me as a positive person. I admit it – I always kinda giggled and rolled my eyes at people who would wax poetic about the power of positive thinking and manifesting your own destiny. Even though a small part of me deep down really believed it was true, another (much larger) part thought I was ridiculous for thinking so, and that’s the part that always controlled my brain.
Maybe it’s because I didn’t think I was good enough or smart enough or worthy enough to have a life that was completely fulfilling. I figured the path I was on was where I was supposed to be even though I was never really happy with how I was spending my days. I let money and a predictable routine dictate the major decisions I made in my life. I accepted that a mediocre career was just what people like me endured. Stuck in a mundane office in front of a computer dealing with bureaucratic bullshit all day. Remember the movie Office Space? That has been my life the past 10 years.
Then last November the universe kicked me in the ass…
Due to my extreme lack of responsibility with credit cards in my 20’s (allowing credit card companies to set up on college campuses to entice new students should be illegal), I found myself in a large amount of debt. I’ve spent the last 6 years digging myself out of that hole and TWO DAYS after I sent in my very last payment I found out I was going to be laid off. To say I was angry is an extreme understatement. For once I was looking forward to actually being able to put money away in savings. I felt like life hated me. I was livid for a solid three days.
Everyone kept telling me this was a good thing. This was my time to do what I wanted with my life. The timing wasn’t the universe being mad at me, it was the universe helping me. I wanted to punch all of those positive people in the throat. I kept making excuses as to why I HAD to find another soul-sucking job: I don’t have any other skills, I need to make good money, I’m not as creative as people seem to think I am. All those excuses boiled down to the fact that I was a negative nancy with no faith in myself.
Since then, I’ve been on numerous job interviews with companies that I have zero desire to work for. Stiff, corporate offices where my days would be stressful with no feeling of accomplishment. I’ve never had an issue finding a job before, I’ve always been offered a position when I interview, even when the economy was at it’s worst. But not this time, I’ve been turned down numerous times in the past couple months for jobs I am more than qualified for. Thanks universe – it’s obvious you want me to fail.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when some really amazing, inspiring people came into my life that I started to let that other part of my brain take over. Suddenly my dark, skeptical, eye-rolling side began to feel a wee bit of hippie-dippy mojo.
Maybe the universe doesn’t actually hate me. Maybe, just maybe, it’s quite fond of me and it’s saying “Hey, lame ass, this is NOT how your life needs to be! You deserve better. You are allowed to be happy.” Maybe those damn positive people were right all along!
Immediately things started to change. My drive and creativity for my business and my blog hit me full force. I’ve accomplished more in the past few weeks than I have all year. Being able to spend time with people who are crafting their lives to be exactly what they want them to be (and being successful at it) are opening my eyes to so many possibilities.
I still need to have a full time job to survive, but even in that aspect, awesome opportunities are popping up that I didn’t see before. I know now that I don’t have to settle for mediocre anymore. There is hope and the right thing is going to come along at the right time.
The ONLY thing that has changed in all this was the way I was thinking. Once I let go of the negative, things started to go my way. I am the master of my own destiny and I will have the life I want.
I’m even going to make a manifestation board. Feel free to roll your eyes.